Today Jordan is 4 months old and weighs 6lb 7oz! I'm having a really hard time believing that my baby boy has been here for 4 whole months!! Insane, right?! He is so alert now! His face lights up when we come in and he smiles and plays with us! Sunday was honestly the first day he really lit up when we walked in. It was Father's Day and I think he knew it....absolutely made Joey's day! He's becoming a big boy right before our eyes and it's so amazing to watch him grow. It's crazy because although he's 4 months (actual), he's only 2 weeks (adjusted). This gets a little confusing but here's the deal: Jordan was born on 2/22 which makes him 4 months old. However, his due date was 6/5 so technically he should only be 2 weeks old. Most of his progress will be tracked by his adjusted age until he's 2. It's very confusing but don't worry, you don't have to keep up with it LOL.
121 days ago I never would have guessed our journey would be this long. Shoot, even a month ago I thought we would be home by now....but we aren't. Am I okay with that? Well...it depends on which day you ask me. But for the most part, yes I am okay with it. A friend asked me "Do you have a hard time staying positive at this point in the journey?" I told her there are days when I feel downright defeated, but I try to pick myself right back up. It's very easy to get sucked into a routine .... Work, pump, NICU, pump, eat, pump, work some more ...you get the picture. However, I try to focus on the good because the positive will always outweigh the negative. I also rely heavily on your thoughts and prayers. You guys have been a constant source of encouragement during this time and it definitely helps to have people praying for you when you can't pray for yourself ---Joey and I are forever grateful.
Right now we are focusing on Jordan's oxygen needs. Over the weekend, he had a minor setback and we had to increase a few pressures, but as you know...minor setbacks produce MAJOR comebacks. He gets frequent X-rays and echocardiograms to check his lungs. We know that in this stage of the journey, time is the best healer....so we wait.
I'm not going to sugar coat it, this is hard. Very hard. Most days I leave the NICU in tears because it hurts so bad walking out of those doors without my son. This journey is emotionally taxing. I've seen things that no one should ever have to see and heard things that no one should ever have to hear. Lately I've had a really hard time sleeping because when I leave the NICU, the NICU comes home with me (if that makes sense). In the midst of this all, I say...but God! Life is hard...but God is good! Each day presents new challenges...but God grants us new mercies each morning. I am weak...but God is strong. You see, that's the point of it all. God IS the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). He has been writing Jordan's story well before he was conceived. I try to find solace in knowing that there is a reason for this all and when it's all said and done, it will be far greater than we could ever imagine. As always, thank you for your thoughts and most importantly your prayers.
With love,
Joey, NaToya and Jordan
